Ten Tips on Coping with Pet
Loss
by Moira Anderson Allen,
M.Ed.
Anyone who considers a pet a beloved
friend, companion, or
family member knows the intense pain that accompanies the loss
of that friend. Following are some tips on coping with that grief,
and with the difficult decisions one faces upon the loss of a
pet.
1. Am I crazy to hurt so much?
Intense grief over the loss of a pet is
normal and natural.
Don't let anyone tell you that it's silly, crazy, or overly
sentimental
to grieve!
During the years you spent with your pet
(even if they were
few), it became a significant and constant part of your life.
It was a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional
love and acceptance, of fun and joy. So don't be surprised if
you feel devastated by the loss of such a relationship.
People who don't understand the
pet/owner bond may not understand
your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel. Don't
let others dictate your feelings: They are valid, and may be
extremely painful. But remember, you are not alone: Thousands
of pet owners have gone through the same feelings.
2. What Can I Expect to Feel?
Different people experience grief in
different ways. Besides
your sorrow and loss, you may also experience the following
emotions:
- Guilt may occur if you feel
responsible for your pet's
death-the "if only I had been more careful" syndrome.
It is pointless and often erroneous to burden yourself with
guilt
for the accident or illness that claimed your pet's life, and
only makes it more difficult to resolve your grief.
- Denial makes it difficult to accept that your
pet
is really gone. It's hard to imagine that your pet won't greet
you when you come home, or that it doesn't need its evening
meal.
Some pet owners carry this to extremes, and fear their pet is
still alive and suffering somewhere. Others find it hard to get
a new pet for fear of being "disloyal" to the old.
- Anger may be directed at the illness that killed
your
pet, the driver of the speeding car, the veterinarian who
"failed"
to save its life. Sometimes it is justified, but when carried
to extremes, it distracts you from the important task of
resolving
your grief.
- Depression is a natural consequence of grief,
but
can leave you powerless to cope with your feelings. Extreme
depression
robs you of motivation and energy, causing you to dwell upon
your sorrow.
3. What can I do about my feelings?
The most important step you can take is
to be honest about
your feelings. Don't deny your pain, or your feelings of anger
and guilt. Only by examining and coming to terms with your
feelings
can you begin to work through them.
You have a right to feel pain and grief!
Someone you loved
has died, and you feel alone and bereaved. You have a right to
feel anger and guilt, as well. Acknowledge your feelings first,
then ask yourself whether the circumstances actually justify
them.
Locking away grief doesn't make it go
away. Express it. Cry,
scream, pound the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most.
Don't try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet; instead,
reminisce about the good times. This will help you understand
what your pet's loss actually means to you.
Some find it helpful to express their
feelings and memories
in poems, stories, or letters to the pet. Other strategies
including
rearranging your schedule to fill in the times you would have
spent with your pet; preparing a memorial such as a photo collage;
and talking to others about your loss.
4. Who can I talk to?
If your family or friends love pets,
they'll understand what
you're going through. Don't hide your feelings in a misguided
effort to appear strong and calm! Working through your feelings
with another person is one of the best ways to put them in
perspective
and find ways to handle them. Find someone you can talk to about
how much the pet meant to you and how much you miss it-someone
you feel comfortable crying and grieving with.
If you don't have family or friends who
understand, or if
you need more help, ask your veterinarian or humane association
to recommend a pet loss counselor or support group. Check with
your church or hospital for grief counseling. Remember, your
grief is genuine and deserving of support.
5. When is the right time to euthanize a
pet?
Your veterinarian is the best judge of
your pet's physical
condition; however, you are the best judge of the quality of
your pet's daily life. If a pet has a good appetite, responds
to attention, seeks its owner's company, and participates in
play or family life, many owners feel that this is not the time.
However, if a pet is in constant pain, undergoing difficult and
stressful treatments that aren't helping greatly, unresponsive
to affection, unaware of its surroundings, and uninterested in
life, a caring pet owner will probably choose to end the beloved
companion's suffering.
Evaluate your pet's health honestly and
unselfishly with your
veterinarian. Prolonging a pet's suffering in order to prevent
your own ultimately helps neither of you. Nothing can make this
decision an easy or painless one, but it is truly the final act
of love that you can make for your pet.
6. Should I stay during euthanasia?
Many feel this is the ultimate gesture
of love and comfort
you can offer your pet. Some feel relief and comfort themselves
by staying: They were able to see that their pet passed peacefully
and without pain, and that it was truly gone. For many, not
witnessing
the death (and not seeing the body) makes it more difficult to
accept that the pet is really gone. However, this can be
traumatic,
and you must ask yourself honestly whether you will be able to
handle it. Uncontrolled emotions and tears-though natural-are
likely to upset your pet.
Some clinics are more open than others
to allowing the owner
to stay during euthanasia. Some veterinarians are also willing
to euthanize a pet at home. Others have come to an owner's car
to administer the injection. Again, consider what will be least
traumatic for you and your pet, and discuss your desires and
concerns with your veterinarian. If your clinic is not able to
accommodate your wishes, request a referral.
7. What do I do next?
When a pet dies, you must choose how to
handle its remains.
Sometimes, in the midst of grief, it may seem easiest to leave
the pet at the clinic for disposal. Check with your clinic to
find out whether there is a fee for such disposal. Some shelters
also accept such remains, though many charge a fee for disposal.
If you prefer a more formal option,
several are available.
Home burial is a popular choice, if you have sufficient property
for it. It is economical and enables you to design your own
funeral
ceremony at little cost. However, city regulations usually
prohibit
pet burials, and this is not a good choice for renters or people
who move frequently.
To many, a pet cemetery provides a sense
of dignity, security,
and permanence. Owners appreciate the serene surroundings and
care of the gravesite. Cemetery costs vary depending on the
services
you select, as well as upon the type of pet you have. Cremation
is a less expensive option that allows you to handle your pet's
remains in a variety of ways: bury them (even in the city),
scatter
them in a favorite location, place them in a columbarium, or
even keep them with you in a decorative urn (of which a wide
variety are available).
Check with your veterinarian, pet shop,
or phone directory
for options available in your area. Consider your living
situation,
personal and religious values, finances, and future plans when
making your decision. It's also wise to make such plans in
advance,
rather than hurriedly in the midst of grief.
8. What should I tell my children?
You are the best judge of how much
information your children
can handle about death and the loss of their pet. Don't
underestimate
them, however. You may find that, by being honest with them about
your pet's loss, you may be able to address some fears and
misperceptions
they have about death.
Honesty is important. If you say the pet
was "put to
sleep," make sure your children understand the difference
between death and ordinary sleep. Never say the pet "went
away," or your child may wonder what he or she did to make
it leave, and wait in anguish for its return. That also makes
it harder for a child to accept a new pet. Make it clear that
the pet will not come back, but that it is happy and free of
pain.
Never assume a child is too young or too
old to grieve. Never
criticize a child for tears, or tell them to "be strong"
or not to feel sad. Be honest about your own sorrow; don't try
to hide it, or children may feel required to hide their grief
as well. Discuss the issue with the entire family, and give
everyone
a chance to work through their grief at their own pace.
9. Will my other pets grieve?
Pets observe every change in a
household, and are bound to
notice the absence of a companion. Pets often form strong
attachments
to one another, and the survivor of such a pair may seem to grieve
for its companion. Cats grieve for dogs, and dogs for cats.
You may need to give your surviving pets
a lot of extra attention
and love to help them through this period. Remember that, if
you are going to introduce a new pet, your surviving pets may
not accept the newcomer right away, but new bonds will grow in
time. Meanwhile, the love of your surviving pets can be
wonderfully
healing for your own grief.
10. Should I get a
new pet right away?
Generally, the answer is no. One needs
time to work through
grief and loss before attempting to build a relationship with
a new pet. If your emotions are still in turmoil, you may resent
a new pet for trying to "take the place" of the old-for
what you really want is your old pet back. Children in particular
may feel that loving a new pet is "disloyal" to the
previous pet.
When you do get a new pet, avoid getting
a "lookalike"
pet, which makes comparisons all the more likely. Don't expect
your new pet to be "just like" the one you lost, but
allow it to develop its own personality. Never give a new pet
the same name or nickname as the old. Avoid the temptation to
compare the new pet to the old one: It can be hard to remember
that your beloved companion also caused a few problems when it
was young!
A new pet should be acquired because you
are ready to move
forward and build a new relationship-rather than looking backward
and mourning your loss. When you are ready, select an animal
with whom you can build another long, loving relationship-because
this is what having a pet is all about!
Many of these animals lost their lives to cruelty or neglect. Others died while helping enrich peoples lives or creating new laws to protect other animals from cruelty. These little angels will be greatly missed for their
Why We Euthanize. These poor souls need to be remembered for the despair and neglect they have suffered. May rainbow bridge show them the way to the best dog park in the galaxy. Written by PETA
was charged on charges of
animal cruelty and contributing to the delinquency of a minor after
deputies say witnesses saw her repeatedly strike two kittens with an
aluminum bat at a Brooksville park while making comments about shooting
people and killing Frazier, along with two small children, also kicked the kittens
repeatedly. One boy threw one of the kittens against a tree and
attempted to cut the other kitten's neck with a stick. Once a black kitten appeared to have died, the body was thrown in a
trash receptacle while one of the children poured water over it. Area children at the park were able to grab the remaining kitten and
it was later taken in by Hernando County Animal Services before being
given to PetLuv.
Brian McCauslin
Charity is on the right. 
Only
2 weeks ago my wife, Gill called me from the shelter in floods of tears
in sheer frustration after a dog was brought to the shelter. This dog
had been in this condition for weeks yet nobody called us until too
late. One cannot imagine the pain he was suffering. You can read a poem Gill wrote in two angry minutes with tears
pouring from her eyes. Please consider sponsoring one of the dogs or
cats in Soi Dog's care: 
of South Bend IN, in
connection with the November 9, 2009, burglary of a home on West Bonds
Street. During the burglary, the homeowners' sheepdog, "Linus," 
was
shot and killed.
Rest in Peace Second Chance
It
is with great sorrow that I pass along this news. The Oprah Show had
a very special dog, named Target, on her show some weeks back. When a
suicide bomber crept onto an American military base in Afghanistan in
the middle of the night, intent on attacking a barracks where 50
soldiers slept, three stray dogs quickly came to the soldiers'rescue.
The dogs, known by the names Rufus, Target, and Sasha barked to alert
the sleeping soldiers of the danger, and bit the terrorist's leg to hold
him back. Because of the dogs' deterrence, the bomber detonated the
explosives before he could get inside the building.
Hi
there - my name is Skittles! I'm just 10 weeks old, and I'm a male
Labrador Retriever mix. I like to run and jump and play and chase my
tail and roll around. But even though I'm just a baby, I have to be
careful playing because I'm sick. Do you know what pulmonic stenosis
is? I didn't know until I was diagnosed with it. Pulmonic stenosis is a
valvular heart disease where there is a narrowing of a pulmonary vessel
that constricts blood flow. This results in not enough blood flow to
the lungs. I also have an upper respiratory infection, causing further
stress inside my chest. Some days, I don't feel very well at all.
Without you, many of us wouldn't be able to get better. My heart may be
a little broken, but it still feels love - and it still feels
gratitude. Thanks for being there for me. 
Rest in Peace Buddy
I was scheduled to meet Baxter Bussey, the
world's oldest therapy dog, who at 19 1/2 was still working (despite
the pain of arthritis) two or three times weekly at the 
putting up missing posters. On the 31st of July, a foul smell led them
to her, stuffed in the ceiling of the basement. Their beloved dog was
dead. She’d been killed by blunt force trauma to the head. Now, a year
later, the story comes to light.
Cubby The Bear
Rest in peace Cubby.
Leaving a pet memorial helps us share
the pain and grief of pet loss with others. We hope that placing a
memorial in remembrance of your pet here will make your loss that little
more bearable. Pets Remembrance Online Pet Memorial service is free.
Adding a dedication to your loved one is very straightforward - there
are three easy steps to follow. We hope that this site will offer you
some comfort, give you something to return to and - given enough time
- something to smile about in the future.
